The Trials and Tribulations of Planning ahead

The Trials and Tribulations of Planning ahead

As a senior in High School I have many responsibilities to think about when it comes to my next step with college and planning for it, but the fear of the unknown is a challenge emotionally as I feel so uneasy. Maybe it’s the pandemic or the cost of living being expensive. It all feels pretty grim and hopeless. I have a plan but life seems to have its own. This stage of my life is something that has been done before, it’s nothing new and definitely not the last time young people will experience this, except this time the world changed in front of all of us and structures that worked before do not seem to be working anymore. The hardest part is upon me and all I know is if I plan ahead I should be closer to what I want to make my reality.

 

 Taking charge of my life is new to me. I haven’t done it before I know my adult life is on the horizon, no more everything being paid for without a second thought or being a child anymore. Emotionally I have grown so much but the practicality of doing things on my own needs to be worked on.I feel so out of the loop of what adulthood is supposed to be I do not feel ready but I know I have the emotional band with to handle the new situations and growing pains that come with it. How can I be an adult? I feel so childlike and hate the aspect of being inexperienced. I always like to be on top of things in my life. I have to know the answers but I have to accept there will be times I will not have them and I have to sit with that.I notice that feelings seem to be something I cannot express or think about when it comes to real life it feels cold and uninviting no room for emotion just callousness which makes me anxious at times for what lies ahead.

 

Knowing the truth makes it easier to navigate life but it hurts because you’re young with ambition and goals and you go into it bright- eyed and optimistic but then it’s snuffed out immediately because reality of life sets in I do not feel this optimism I feel dread but hopeful it will just eventually work out.The good thing is the pain I have experienced and I realized it’s  what we do with our pain that keeps us going to learn,grow and do better. My pain has allowed me to be able to be comfortable with my own darkness and even though I feel jaded by the world a bit I know I can try to make the best of what’s ahead.